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<title>Courage is not without fear by Momuno</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24436333">Courage is not without fear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momuno/pseuds/Momuno'>Momuno</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dimension 20 (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Family, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre- A Crown of Candy, Survivor Guilt, Theobald Gumbar centric, War, character study-esque, descriptions of injuries</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:42:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24436333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momuno/pseuds/Momuno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Years later Princess Jet tells him that she feels cursed to be born in times of peace. That she wants a war to prove that she can fight. Theobald reminds himself that she is young, she doesn't understand. So he tells her that she should focus on her studies and that she shouldn't ponder about war and the likes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Theobald Gumbar &amp; Amethar Rocks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Courage is not without fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had planned to write this OS for the past three days but I never got to it. So this morning I woke up, made myself a hot cup of coffee - thought about making pancakes and decided on peanut butter Icecream for breakfast instead - and sat down to write.<br/>I hope that you enjoy the story and of course that the characters don't seem too OOC.<br/>The rating is most likely set too high, but I live by the saying "better save than sorry"<br/>Also if anyone is interested I wrote this while listening to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9PmNAHlbQ8"> You by Myuu </a> on repeat.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Theobald knows She is dead the moment he opens his eyes. He can't tell why, he just knows. He is lying on a field bed a thin blanket covering him. There is no way to be sure, but his armor is most likely somewhere in the room with him. It is quiet. No shouts from soldiers or medics, there is another person breathing though. Theobald tries to rise, to see who is with him, but as soon as he moves to sit the muscles in his abdomen cramp up and he can't breathe. A firm hand comes to rest on his shoulder, presses him softly back onto the bed and the voice of Prince Amethar rings through the room "At ease, Soldier." Theobald wants to laugh. At ease? How could he? The person he swore to protect is dead. She had told him to leave, before sacrificing herself. He should have disobeyed. Just this once. He should have stayed with her and shielded her from the onslaught of arrows she had set upon her self and their enemies. But he hadn't. </p>
<p>"She is dead." he croaks. His throat hurts, he must have been screaming. It's not a question but Amethar nods nonetheless. Theobald doesn't understand why he is here. He looks tired, lost, a shadow of the man Theobald knows him to be. He should be with his family, mourning the loss of his sister, but instead, he is sitting at a wounded soldier's bedside. A wounded soldier who failed to save said sister. Theo wants to make a second attempt at sitting up, it feels unbecoming to be lying while his prince is standing next to him, but he doesn't. His body aches and he knows that it won't work yet. He closes his eyes and swallows.<br/>
"I have failed your family, your highness, and I can not undo it." Regret and pain echo in his words and Theobald finds that he doesn't really care what is going to happen to him now. He let down the royal family, any punishment they see fit he would take. But Amethar sighs a low and heavy sigh. Too heavy for a man of his young age, but that is what war does, right? It hardens people in all the wrong places.<br/>
"Theobald. You did everything you could have done. That battle." he hesitates. "It was a bloodbath. When Lazuli did what she did, she knew it was the only way out. By the bulb, you almost died yourself." </p>
<p><em>I should have,</em> Theobald thinks.<br/>
"I understand." He says. </p>
<p>There's no comfort between them. No words that could lessen the pain of loss. Theobald wants to believe that there is still hope. That Lazuli didn't die in vain and that this horrid war would soon be over, but it is hard. How can one be hopeful, when there's so much destruction going on around them? </p>
<p>Amethar applies some pressure on Theos shoulder. He hadn't even realized that the prince hadn't let go of him. "You should try to rest some more," he says as he stands up from where he is seated. It is selfish but Theobald doesn't want him to leave. He doesn't want to be alone with his thoughts. But he keeps himself from voicing this desire. He <em>can't</em> voice them, not here, not like that. Amethar and he are not friends. He is a knight and Amethar a prince and even while those boundaries get blurred in the heat of battle and war they still stand at the end of the day. Still, something tells him, that Amethar is not only here because he wants to see how Theobald is doing. He is seeking something for himself. What, Theobald can't tell but it has him ignore the pain his body is in, to get off the field bed and sink onto one knee behind the Prince, who turns around when he hears the knight move. <br/>
Theobald is aware he is only wearing a thin pair of trousers, nothing like the shiny armor he usually presents himself in, but for the moment it has to be enough. "Your highness." he almost yells, and falls silent for just a second, surprised by the volume of his voice. "Archmage Lazuli dismissed me of my service shortly before her untimely death. Please allow me to stand at your disposal instead." Amethar doesn't smile, it's not the time for that but he steps back to the kneeling knight and holds his hand out for Theobald to take. "I said at ease soldier" His voice is as soft as it can be. There's still mourning behind his eyes, but also something that is achingly similar to optimism. "Knowing whom to trust in times like these is a privilege and I am glad that you'll be fighting at my side." </p>
<p>Theobald fails again and again and again. Saint Citrina, General Rococoa, and Princess Sapphria lay slain in their graves, joining their sister in death. But Amethar lives. Lives to be King, to raise daughters of his own. He lives to prove that the fighting was <em>not</em> in vain. That there is a brighter tomorrow and Theobald is there, every step of the way, loyal at his Kings side. </p>
<p>Years later Princess Jet tells him that she feels cursed to be born in times of peace. That she wants a war to prove that she can fight. Theobald reminds himself that she is young, she doesn't understand. So he tells her that she should focus on her studies and that she shouldn't ponder about war and the likes. He thinks about the men and women he has lost on the battlefield. Thinks of the families ripped apart by death and destruction. He thinks about the horror of holding a soldier's hand and telling them to be brave while their life drips from their body with every drop of blood they lose. He thinks about the nightmare that is lying on a field bed medics tending to a hole in your abdomen, while a man to your right screams that he can't see, while others have their limbs amputated, while the stench of death lies in the air. </p>
<p>That night Theo is haunted by those images. He wakes with a start, shaking, drenched in sweat and unable to even think about going back to sleep. He doesn't allow himself the comfort of tears. Instead, he gets up, puts on his armor, and takes position in front of the princesses' bedroom. He couldn't save Lazuli or her sisters but he won't let anything happen to Ruby and Jet. <br/>
The belltower rings midnight. Theobald breaths. It's a good day. The war lies far behind him and besides, the princesses are turning 18 today. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading.<br/>If you want to yell at me about this story, a crown of candy or dimension 20 in general, you can find me on Tumblr under: <a href="https://jumpingaroundinplatearmor.tumblr.com/">jumpingaroundinplatearmor</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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